from a napkin...

music # 8

2012-02-08T14:03:00.002-05:00

Reality

Take~a~back~road

Baby~I’m~amazed~by~you

Diamonds

Red~red~wine

This~is~the~time

Beach~party~summer

Summer~of~69

You~make~me~smile

Ain’t~no~mountain

Lean~on~me

someday

music # 7

2012-02-08T13:55:00.002-05:00

Viva~la~vida

Because~you~love~me

Hungry~like~the~wolf

What~hurts~the~most

Sailing

Sunny~came~home

Black~water

Cryin’

We~belong

Ironic

Before~he~cheats

I’ll~be~there

Feels~like~tonight

I~still~haven’t~found~what~I’m~looking~for

music # 6

2012-02-06T14:22:00.002-05:00

Check~your~pocket

Industry

She~said

Tear~drops~on~my~guitar

King~of~anything

Come~back~to~you

While~the~world~is~going~crazy

Benny~and~the~jets

Tainted~love

Rock~steady

Crazy

My~arms~open~wide

i~go~blind

love~on~the~run

summer~of~69

i~will~survive

i~don’t~wanna~wait

if~i~die~young

fields~of~gold

unwritten

keep~bleeding~love

kokomo

music #5

2012-02-03T14:35:00.002-05:00

Take~a~back~road

Sunglasses~at~night

I’ll~be~sailing

You~make~me~smile

Live~like~you~were~dying

Do~you~believe~in~life~after~love

What~I~was~trying~to~do

Sweet~dreams

Love~song

Jesse’s~girl

Dream~about~you

Say~you~love~me

Your~kiss

Hold~on

Diamonds

Still~haven’t~found~what~i’m~looking~for

I~could~fall~in~love~with~you

Have~i~told~you~lately~that~i~love~you

Just~the~way~it~is

Complicated

Hold~my~hand

Forever~yours

Like~lovers~do

I~can’t~fight~this~feeling

Killing~me~softly

Meli~with~you

Raspberry~beret

Mine

Truly~madly~deeply

Pocket~full~of~sunshine

These~days

Could~be~happy

Cannonball

Beautiful~disaster

nusic # 4

2012-02-02T12:38:00.002-05:00

Bring~A~little~love~to~the~table

Like~a~rocket

Alright

Hey~there~Delilah

Turn~back~time

Red~red~wine

Unwritten

Meant~for~me

These~are~the~moments

Candle~in~the~wind

Private~eyes

Hero

Brown~eyed~girl

Breathe

It~must~have~been~love

Keep~bleeding~love

Fireflies

Rose~on~a~grave

Love~is~a~battlefield

Big~girls~don’t~cry

Girls~just~wanna~have~fun

Big~yellow~taxi

La~vida~loca

the result

2012-01-31T21:03:00.002-05:00

music #3

2012-01-31T15:15:00.002-05:00

Hands up

Hotel California

Time after time

Waiting

Here & now

As I lay me down to sleep

Don’t turn around

Coming home

Jesse’s girl

Who knew?

Arms wide open

Song about nothing

Make up your mind

Heard again

In my head

Cherry chapstick

Crosses

A little more than this

Faithfully

I go blind

I’ll stand by you

2012-01-30T11:54:00.002-05:00

"People try so hard to believe in leaders now, pitifully hard. But we no sooner get a popular reformer or politician or soldier or writer or philosopher—a Roosevelt, a Tolstoy, a Wood, a Shaw, a Nietzsche, than the cross-currents of criticism wash him away. My Lord, no man can stand prominence these days. It's the surest path to obscurity. People get sick of hearing the same name over and over."

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

I don’t know precisely when he said this, but Fitzgerald passed away from here in 1940. I can’t imagine what he might say about our leaders and our society now…

music #2

2012-01-30T11:30:00.002-05:00

The climb

Open arms

My heart will go on

Sweet dreams

Big girls don’t cry

I want to be with you

Ain’t that America

Tainted love

In my heart

All I wanna do

Over my head

Unwritten

Tiny dancer

Baby I’m amazed by you

This Kiss

When the doves cry

Your Kiss

Hey there Delilah

Something to talk about

Bad day

She will be loved

Take it easy

Don’t you forget about me

How do I live without you

Hungry eyes

Hit me with your best shot

music # 1

2012-01-27T10:53:00.002-05:00

Before he Cheats

Go ahead now

Crazy for you

Until the end of time

I melt with you

Give me one good reason

Unwell

Gotta be

I’ll be watching you

Just a Kiss Goodnight

Hero

Black Velvet

December

I need to know

Keep on loving you

Saved the best for last

God gave me You

Don’t Say

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Small town

quote of the day

2012-01-26T14:28:00.001-05:00

“What other people think of you is none of your business.” -- anonymous

word OF THE DAY # 4 ?

2012-01-25T14:53:00.001-05:00

I LOST TRACK… OOPS short word today

EMISSARY (35)

: representative, usually of a government persuasion.

2012-01-19T13:14:00.002-05:00

Your Age in Days

Date: 11 - 5 - 1980 (MM-DD-YYYY).

You are 11397 days old.
That's 1628 weeks and 1 days.
Which is 31 years and 75 days, including 7 leap years*.
(= 31 years, 10 weeks and 5 days.)
In other words, that's 375 months.
Therefore, you are 31.2 years old.

You were born on a Wednesday, your last birthday was a Saturday
and your next one will be on a Monday.

That’s pretty scary….

2012-01-17T14:02:00.002-05:00

Quote Of The Day

"Friends, both the imaginary ones you build for yourself out of phrases taken from a living writer, or real ones from college, and relatives, despite all the waste of ceremony and fakery and the fact that out of an hour of conversation you may have only five minutes in which the old entente reappears, are the only real means for foreign ideas to enter your brain."

-Nicholson Baker

I am still pondering the meaning and affects of this quote…

Word of the day # 3

2012-01-13T22:47:00.003-05:00

obstreperous (140)

Encarta : noisy and aggressively boisterous

Read this word in the wee hours of the morning, in a book by Emma Bull – an author that I definitely think I am going to appreciate.

To quote "Come along, my obstreperous primrose. Everything will be improved by a night's sleep and a day's reflection."

- The Phouka, Emma Bull, The War of the Oaks

I had a mild idea what it might mean, but had to find out for sure this morning.

unfinished... ?

2012-01-13T22:46:00.008-05:00

What caused me to bend, and bow to whims?

What brought me to the point of hiding, losing?

He did not ask me to change these things.

He even voiced that which he thought more likely.

Yet he was so sure, so unlikely to alter…

Word of the day #2

2012-01-13T22:46:00.006-05:00

Ingrained (62 +)

Worked in deep. Yeah that'll stick with ya.

word of the day #1

2012-01-13T22:45:00.003-05:00

melancholy (60)

Encarta Dictionary defines melancholy as "pensive sadness-a thoughtful or gentle sadness" . This humor is often used in references to artists and others of a creative persuasion to try to define they're sometimes unreferrenceable mood.

2011-05-09T13:37:00.002-04:00

"the air smelled like crusted blood and sweat…" - Carrie Jones (Need)

running

2011-03-28T23:51:00.003-04:00

I don't know what I want,
but I want to get away.

I don't know where I'm going,
but I've lost the urge to stay.

Open your arms and I'll come,
carry me far from here.

Let's make a new path,
without malice or fear.

When did I become such a philosopher?

2011-02-10T23:07:00.002-05:00

Does it mean more because we put so much thought into it, or do we put so much thought to it because it has such deep meaning?

(and btw not gonna answer the subject question)

deeper

2011-02-10T23:04:00.003-05:00

so many times i thought i was ready, hoped you would make that move. but we weren't really there, and that sort of loss of self control would have led to a much deeper chasm...

word of the day: introspective

2011-02-10T23:02:00.001-05:00

Why so introspective today?

What sparks these feelings and ideas?

When will I stop thinking about what might have been?

When will I accept who I am?

Rememberies

2011-02-10T22:49:00.003-05:00

My memories fade. Mixed with images too often told to be true, recited as a story from a book. Yet the characters are real and the situations plausible.
I have to dredge up images of people and places I thought I may never forget. To seek down the events in the recesses of my mind. Moments of a few months overshadowed and replaced by the me I've become through them. These memories seen through the scope of a camera, almost as though they belong to someone else. But some memories, both old and new are as real as the times themselves. What does this say?

I no longer wake up feeling as though I am wrapped in your arms. But the feeling is still true in the light of day.

disillusioned

2011-02-10T22:45:00.002-05:00

Shades of gray,
penciled in.
When ink would
have made
things much
clearer.

2011-02-10T22:42:00.001-05:00

When you're ready to come out of your self-imposed hibernation, I'd love to share some time with you.

mountains and molehills

2011-02-10T22:34:00.002-05:00

Why do you feel so strongly about such immediate things? such improbable things?

Why am I at such a loss, to understand who I truly am? How much of me is really me, and how much depends on my company?

How do I begin to show my true self around people who have known me for so long and have never seen those parts? What would possess me to keep parts of myself undisclosed?

What is wrong that I am afraid to be myself? Do I even know who that is?

atmospheric pressure

2011-02-10T22:28:00.003-05:00

sometimes all it takes is some silence, a little peace and quiet. to get the thoughts and creative energy flowing.

raw and exposed

2011-02-10T22:25:00.003-05:00

Some people didn’t know for days, weeks even.
My own roommates had to drag it out of me practically. They didn’t realize just how much I could hold it in, and yet not really.
I saw so many people that night who had no clue.
I still want to take you there, you’d appreciate the view.

I haven’t stepped foot in the forest since that Spring. Not for lack of wanting, at least that’s what I tell myself. Life changes and other people get in the way.

If you realized how much I gave you of my time. How many things I set aside to be with you. That was probably the loudest of my exclamations.

pondering loss

2011-02-10T16:49:00.001-05:00

If only you knew how much you knew. Or at least how much I tried to share. I’m not such an open book. I don’t tell much, so what I do say is important. Sometimes I wonder where we’d be , if you had really listened. If I had been able to express myself…

How do people learn how to understand one another, learn to communicate?

We tried, and failed miserably. We are so different, and yet…

My bad habits, our lack of communication.

If it were right, we would have figured it out, wouldn’t we have?

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DRAFT

2011-02-10T16:35:00.001-05:00

The promise of snow,

A twinkle of stars.

What would I give to be,

Snuggled there in your arms.

little things

2011-02-10T16:16:00.001-05:00

It’s little things,

A dark red car,

Of similar make.

A plaid shirt.

A rainy day,

Especially a stormy one.

Your favorite color.

And yet, I know that our decision was the right one. It’s just hard, to have been that close, and lose it all.

2010-05-10T17:12:00.001-04:00

I wish I could just pick up and go somewhere sometimes… always for various reasons. I mean there are the days when you just want to get away, to leave everything behind, disappear for a while. and the days when you want to see a friend that isn’t just a short drive across town, or in the next room. And there are days like today: where on top of really needing a little vacation, you discover that your favorite book, by one of your favorite authors is being produced in a theatre half the country away…. Check out the article it sounds like a great show… http://chicago.timeout.com/articles/theater/85389/neil-gaimans-neverwhere-at-lifeline-theatre-and-other-fantasy-and-science-fiction-stage-adaptations

thoughts

2010-04-14T15:43:00.001-04:00

sometimes you'll find my thoughts composed this way

heavy thoughts

2010-03-31T11:58:00.001-04:00

Faith & Family

These are cornerstones of our lives…more often than not that strongest pieces of our foundation.

How do you balance these with the other portions of our lives? When does something become important enough, enough to become part of your life? To embed itself in that foundation?

These are things that we focus on, build our life on, work towards … yet we will often set them aside to temporarily focus on something else… sometimes without even realizing it.

2010-02-28T20:20:00.001-05:00

Why do we think that our problem is new. or different?

some things need to be written down...

2010-02-17T08:08:00.002-05:00

i awoke from a dream so real and so confusing... the most amazing thing was that you were hugging me at the end and when i awoke i could still feel the hug...

it was another of those dreams where the scene and characters change to frequently... you know how when you think about it later its hard to put the pieces in order, and things that made so much since in the dream, have no logical bearing in real life .

I had trouble falling back to sleep after this one, trying to decipher an important character and situation who the heck is marlena? where did i go when i "lived" with her (as in in a foreign country for like a week)? and why is she so familiar?

plaid shirt , fleece vest

2010-02-02T16:53:00.002-05:00

he dresses like you…

that sweet old man…

and it made me think.

made me smile…

...

2010-02-02T14:31:00.002-05:00

And they grow.

And you look back.

And time can be told in moments and inches,

Rather than minutes and years.

thoughts on grief

2010-01-24T01:01:00.003-05:00

sometimes i wonder about the depth of my emotion, i know people who hold on to stuff... this is all prompted from hearing someone about a deceased loved one that they think about them everyday... given this was a person that had committed suicide at a young age when the person speaking was even younger, but i don't hold on to that kind of thing. yes i have memories of family members that have passed away, but i often have trouble remembering even the littlest things about them... and i know that this doesn't make me a bad person or anything like that. but it does scare me sometimes and cause me to wonder how deep do i let myself feel? am i capable of something greater than myself? why do i seem to be built so differently from those around me... and how is God planning to use that?

nice

2010-01-19T12:46:00.002-05:00

It's nice...

to know we are on the same track...
thinking about the same things...

to hear him say things that I have thought...

and to realize that it's the right track.

I would be so easy to be on the wrong track together, to go with what feels good... and not what we know is right.

So even though it's hard sometimes to resist that kiss, or that thought... it's better this way.

possibilities

2010-01-07T15:28:00.002-05:00

It can happen. In the blink of an eye, everything can change. I should know.

Just driving down the road that day. No one was hurt, but they could have been. Or the time I thought the light had changed...it hadn't. My passenger was more effected that day, but she was young-she recovered.

There have been so many times that things could have been redefined, my world turned upside down. It's a blessing I suppose that those things really didn't change anything, but then again what did I learn?

things i wish i said...

2010-01-01T11:35:00.002-05:00

everyone says hello

it'd have been better if you were here...or just if we were together

miss you

and much more

2009-12-30T15:49:00.003-05:00

bored and lost, hiding from miscellaneous thoughts...wondering about mystical moments

random

2009-12-29T16:00:00.001-05:00

"that was pretty, now give up." said the lady bug filer in Veronica's head.

from the belly of the fish

2009-12-28T14:23:00.002-05:00

Jonah 1:1-3

Sitting in a new church this weekend. Good people, good praise team. Pastor’s sermon was good in that it made me think. I am not sure I always followed his line of thinking, but the point made it through.

He was basically talking about decisions and opportunity. How when we hear a clear calling from God we tend –like Jonah, or Adam/eve- to find another option and follow our way instead of God’s. We do need to remember to weigh each decision, no matter how small against God’s plan, against His word. Our purpose is to stand in the gap-providing a mirror of Jesus to the lost world.

The whole time that the pastor was talking about having a clear vision or calling , and I was thinking it usually isn’t. So I turned over my bulletin and wrote: “What about when the calling isn’t so clear?“ and continued to listen to the pastor. Moments later I wrote: “Not that I am trying to justify my actions, but most of the time the decision doesn’t seem so clear.” To which my thought went (and I wrote) “ So dig in and listen up because more often than not we create our own noise.”

What I was basically telling myself is this: when the decision isn’t clear is it because God isn’t clear or because I am quick to doubt, quick to look for a way out? Have we trained ourselves to doubt the obvious and to question what we don’t understand? To immediately discredit that with which we are uncomfortable?

go figure

2009-12-26T21:50:00.001-05:00

I had a thought worth blogging earlier...

Christmas

2009-12-25T22:19:00.002-05:00

It's been a beautiful holiday! Family events have all gone smoothly, no crazy fights or anything. And yet it seems as though something is missing.

2009-12-23T23:56:00.000-05:00

Christmas lights are always beautiful... but they just aren't the same alone.

clear sky

2009-12-09T23:52:00.002-05:00

the stars were beautiful tonight...
the moment i had to glimpse them made me wish i had taken more time,
and that I had been able to share them with you.

just like my tights...

2009-12-02T16:11:00.004-05:00

just like my tights...

perception is holey.

it's not faulty neccesarily, but it depends on factors beyond the control of the perciever.

:)

2009-11-30T00:15:00.000-05:00

Tonight was really nice...

the beach

2009-11-25T01:15:00.002-05:00

castles abandoned
flags blown away
pacifiers lost
in the shadows of sunset
birds glide
friends and couples stroll
waves fall unaltered by human bodies

the beach is almost empty now
and as the coolness of the breeze meets my skin
i can't help but thank God for the beauty of it all!

rose

2009-11-25T00:28:00.003-05:00

What is the story of a creamy white rose,
left in a gravel parking lot,
wilted yet not brown?

undated --charleston, evening or early morning... on my way to take a walk on the beach. Must have been early spring, in the all day parking lot at Isle of Palms. I was inspired to wonder about this flower.
Was it the remnant of a romance lost, or the litter of a casual fling?

2009-11-24T12:54:00.002-05:00

Why is it that I sometimes talk to a room full of people, that doesn’t listen?

It’s like I think I want them to hear me, to react to what I am saying… but in some way I don’t. so I talk… and even though they don’t react I sometimes keep talking…

scary

2009-11-24T00:01:00.003-05:00

that sinking feeling in the pitt of my stomach.

what is this, what is this?

the thought that something's wrong.

what is this, what is this?

a fist, tightning around my heart.

just one word could turn this dream around...

dreaming

2009-11-15T23:40:00.002-05:00

Is this really my life?

those eyes

2009-11-13T09:38:00.003-05:00

i thought i understood what the poets, artists, and songwriters meant when they talked about the possibility of drowning... of getting lost in someones eyes.... not just any someone of course, but that someone... i was wrong. i don't think you can "understand" that idea, not intellectually... experience will teach you that nothing is the same as you thought it might be.

<3

2009-11-09T00:01:00.002-05:00

"I'm as giddy as a spider spinning daydreams..."

today was a beautiful day!

2009-11-07T00:53:00.001-05:00

been looking for this piece for a while... written for a friend who was having guy trouble

blocked

2009-11-07T00:11:00.002-05:00

Having trouble putting pen to paper lately, especially today.
What is it that i suddenly have what could easily be inspiration, but no words?
That my desire to write is met with blank paper? Even my usually random and somewhat innocuous ramblings are non existent...

cold feet

2009-11-06T00:15:00.002-05:00

why did i suddenly feel like running away?

that brief fleeting moment
needing to escape

when what i wanted in the first place was a clear indication

when i needed that bit of confirmation?

is my heart still so fickle, or am i just afraid...

rambling

2009-11-05T09:17:00.005-05:00

Why is it when you are still trying to figure things out, everyone else already has an opinion?

Believe me I don't really mind the insight, as much as I try not to be conformed by the molds of society they still have an effect. So it is important to know how things appear to others. Sometimes that knowledge just makes it all the harder to figure out the truth of a thing.

Relationships aren't easy. Seeing as it's been 8 years or more since my last dating relationship, and the only "date" that I have been on since then was just a total wash... well you might understand why I am so confused.

Can't I just have a close guy friend like I used to? A guy that I can tell anything to? or at least pretend to tell everything to?

However it may look "Nebraska" and I are still just getting to know one another. We still spend hours talking about movies we loved as kids, and our jobs, and the weather. We've barely touched the deep stuff. So just because we tend to cuddle and look all happy sappy doesn't mean squat. We're cuddlers and sometimes you find someone that it's just easy to cuddle with, someone you just connect with somehow.

Do I hope that it might could grow into something more?

Sure, but I also know that we are of the same mind that these things take time, and I mean serious time. So I am looking forward to getting to know him better. To discovering more things that we both enjoy. To having some long serious talks.

I appreciate my friends looking out for me. I would do the same for them. I love them and know that they have my best interest at heart. I pray that they understand when it may seem like I am not taking things they say completely to heart. I'm storing those things away and taking them into account. I am still just trying to understand what I myself am feeling. To figure out why I am acting a certain way. If I am changing myself or hiding my self or... well you get the idea.

Thanks for letting me ramble a bit.

2009-07-09T14:25:00.002-04:00

it never fails, things get comfortable …settled even and someone up and quits , or gets transferred or whatever… it never fails… why does it always seem like things aren’t allowed to relax for even a bit…

I guess that’s the nature of life though isn’t it…

As much as we dislike change, it’s inevitable.

I any group friends, coworkers, church, etc… things will change, people will move on, because as much as they are a part of that group they live a life separate from that group, they are their own person and their goals and needs won’t ever line up completely with that of the group… life will always pull them away to something else…

So what is wrong that I always feel like the one who doesn’t change, who never leaves, the one that is always left behind…

:)

2009-07-02T00:15:00.001-04:00

speaking of dancing.... i tihnk i could almost sing too! lol this week is looking up :)

2009-06-25T16:35:00.002-04:00

Sometimes your life gets turned around, hilter, kilter upside down…

2009-06-24T13:57:00.002-04:00

It’s a sad day, in my neighborhood…

realizations...

2009-06-23T09:53:00.001-04:00

Do you ever think about the lives that are being lived around you? Lives of people that you care about, but maybe can’t be involved in? I am sitting at work watching an old friend do business… and I think we used to be part of each other’s lives… not a large part but part. And he’s still in town, still goes about his life, but I don’t know much if anything about that life.

It’s the same with old college friends. I hear about them, read about pieces of their lives… and then you run into them in some random place and realize – they’re here too. They still go about their life in the same city you are in and yet you don’t participate in that life with them. You think about them and wonder what is going on with them , but never see them.

It’s not a purposeful thing, you just get busy with life. People and circumstances take you in a certain direction and you get lost in the day to day. It’s kind of like when you’re a kid and you think that if you just close your eyes no one can see you… instead of not being seen you are the one not seeing…

So I want to apologize, and I know you don’t think bad of me. I need to apologize just the same. If I have blinded myself to you and your life, if I’ve taken myself away. Please forgive me, and give me another chance. There are only so many moments, but I want to share them…. I want to cherish each and everyone.

realizations...

2009-06-23T09:53:00.000-04:00

heart thoughts

2009-06-23T09:51:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I wish I could whistle…

Guess that just means I will find my self dancing, much more than normal… my heart is dancing now…

2009-05-01T11:27:00.002-04:00

Breaking the silence.

Awakening hearts.

Looking for refuge.

Where do we start?

2009-04-30T10:13:00.002-04:00

Music is the breeze on which our memories waft…

falling

2009-03-19T15:39:00.005-04:00

I think, for the first time, I had the sudden sensation that my whole world might be falling apart…

What happens when the seams start to split,

When all that seemed full is transparent?

How does it happen so suddenly,

Where will all the pieces go?

Who will make it alright again?

God is the one who will make it right.

Jehovah will find the missing pieces.

My Elohim will bring the chaos to a halt.

Jehovah will set the path ahead.

Jesus will sew it according to His pattern.

My God is an awesome God and He will help me find the way!

2009-03-18T12:58:00.003-04:00

Blogging via e-mail... this could come in handy :)

2009-02-25T22:49:00.000-05:00

blanks

2009-01-28T22:26:00.002-05:00

a blank page,
a new day...
not blank any more though
from the moment i awakened,
pen was set to paper...

written october 20, 2003

winter 07

2009-01-25T01:36:00.004-05:00

I know you are there.
I know what you've done.
You're a part of my life,
but I've made you so small.

So why don't I change?
Many tell me it's not wrong,
but by whose standard, dare I say?
You should be my guide.

My life is to simple, to easy, you see.
I lean every which way, but up.

incomplete or unpolished from winter 07(?)

For Amy

2009-01-25T01:30:00.003-05:00

is this obsession real? this love that he feels.
have we invited a spook or a spark?

can we ever know the true course of a thought, a gaze, a heart?

to ask that we stay, to know where we aren't,
to permit that he go, my eyes to awake.

Written April 2006 for my friend Amy. Contemplating relationships and the possibility that what we feel, hear, and percieve are not always the truth.

forgotten times...

2009-01-20T21:49:00.004-05:00

Cleaned out some old purses today, so I could get rid of them...lots of trash but among the reciepts, gum, and loose change I found a few gems- photos, notes, and business cards- took me back a little, reminded me of forgotten times...

so there may be a few posts soon that come from that...

Sunset over the city

2009-01-13T23:27:00.000-05:00

I love driving into downtown after work. The sun setting behind me paints such a beautiful picture. Giving life to buildings that hide all day.
I can't recall the number of times I have wished that I could just stop in the middle of Jarvis Klapman and capture the skyline with my camera....

Vibrant colors reflected on silvered windows;

Golden highlites touch the edges of brick and mortar,

making buildings pop from the darkened sky.

And in my rearview mirror,

the true image of God's handiwork;

Which no manmade object could e'er imitate.

driving in early January

2009-01-13T11:35:00.001-05:00

and that sliver of a moon held more thoughts and wishes than any one man could imagine...