thoughts on grief

sometimes i wonder about the depth of my emotion, i know people who hold on to stuff... this is all prompted from hearing someone about a deceased loved one that they think about them everyday... given this was a person that had committed suicide at a young age when the person speaking was even younger, but i don't hold on to that kind of thing. yes i have memories of family members that have passed away, but i often have trouble remembering even the littlest things about them... and i know that this doesn't make me a bad person or anything like that. but it does scare me sometimes and cause me to wonder how deep do i let myself feel? am i capable of something greater than myself? why do i seem to be built so differently from those around me... and how is God planning to use that?

blocked

Having trouble putting pen to paper lately, especially today.
What is it that i suddenly have what could easily be inspiration, but no words?
That my desire to write is met with blank paper? Even my usually random and somewhat innocuous ramblings are non existent...