sometimes i wonder about the depth of my emotion, i know people who hold on to stuff... this is all prompted from hearing someone about a deceased loved one that they think about them everyday... given this was a person that had committed suicide at a young age when the person speaking was even younger, but i don't hold on to that kind of thing. yes i have memories of family members that have passed away, but i often have trouble remembering even the littlest things about them... and i know that this doesn't make me a bad person or anything like that. but it does scare me sometimes and cause me to wonder how deep do i let myself feel? am i capable of something greater than myself? why do i seem to be built so differently from those around me... and how is God planning to use that?
Not having the depth of grief this other individual has is a blessing. Too often that kind of grief that continues so long is tied to a deeper problem with the individual. An inability to let go, guilt over circumstances surrounding the loss, etc. While I still think about my grandfather, and the lost pregnancy I can say its not an everyday thing anymore. That being said, not feeling grief for such an extended period of time doesn't mean you don't love deeply. You were able to find a peace, and that's a great thing but you still have deep emotion, because no one can say you didn't love your grandmother very deeply or that you care for your currently living family any less because you don't still grieve.
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