deeper

so many times i thought i was ready, hoped you would make that move. but we weren't really there, and that sort of loss of self control would have led to a much deeper chasm...

plaid shirt , fleece vest

he dresses like you…

that sweet old man…

and it made me think.

made me smile…

thoughts on grief

sometimes i wonder about the depth of my emotion, i know people who hold on to stuff... this is all prompted from hearing someone about a deceased loved one that they think about them everyday... given this was a person that had committed suicide at a young age when the person speaking was even younger, but i don't hold on to that kind of thing. yes i have memories of family members that have passed away, but i often have trouble remembering even the littlest things about them... and i know that this doesn't make me a bad person or anything like that. but it does scare me sometimes and cause me to wonder how deep do i let myself feel? am i capable of something greater than myself? why do i seem to be built so differently from those around me... and how is God planning to use that?

nice

It's nice...

to know we are on the same track...
thinking about the same things...

to hear him say things that I have thought...

and to realize that it's the right track.

I would be so easy to be on the wrong track together, to go with what feels good... and not what we know is right.

So even though it's hard sometimes to resist that kiss, or that thought... it's better this way.

the beach

castles abandoned
flags blown away
pacifiers lost
in the shadows of sunset
birds glide
friends and couples stroll
waves fall unaltered by human bodies

the beach is almost empty now
and as the coolness of the breeze meets my skin
i can't help but thank God for the beauty of it all!

Why is it that I sometimes talk to a room full of people, that doesn’t listen?

It’s like I think I want them to hear me, to react to what I am saying… but in some way I don’t. so I talk… and even though they don’t react I sometimes keep talking…

realizations...

Do you ever think about the lives that are being lived around you? Lives of people that you care about, but maybe can’t be involved in? I am sitting at work watching an old friend do business… and I think we used to be part of each other’s lives… not a large part but part. And he’s still in town, still goes about his life, but I don’t know much if anything about that life.

It’s the same with old college friends. I hear about them, read about pieces of their lives… and then you run into them in some random place and realize – they’re here too. They still go about their life in the same city you are in and yet you don’t participate in that life with them. You think about them and wonder what is going on with them , but never see them.

It’s not a purposeful thing, you just get busy with life. People and circumstances take you in a certain direction and you get lost in the day to day. It’s kind of like when you’re a kid and you think that if you just close your eyes no one can see you… instead of not being seen you are the one not seeing…

So I want to apologize, and I know you don’t think bad of me. I need to apologize just the same. If I have blinded myself to you and your life, if I’ve taken myself away. Please forgive me, and give me another chance. There are only so many moments, but I want to share them…. I want to cherish each and everyone.

realizations...

Do you ever think about the lives that are being lived around you? Lives of people that you care about, but maybe can’t be involved in? I am sitting at work watching an old friend do business… and I think we used to be part of each other’s lives… not a large part but part. And he’s still in town, still goes about his life, but I don’t know much if anything about that life.

It’s the same with old college friends. I hear about them, read about pieces of their lives… and then you run into them in some random place and realize – they’re here too. They still go about their life in the same city you are in and yet you don’t participate in that life with them. You think about them and wonder what is going on with them , but never see them.

It’s not a purposeful thing, you just get busy with life. People and circumstances take you in a certain direction and you get lost in the day to day. It’s kind of like when you’re a kid and you think that if you just close your eyes no one can see you… instead of not being seen you are the one not seeing…

So I want to apologize, and I know you don’t think bad of me. I need to apologize just the same. If I have blinded myself to you and your life, if I’ve taken myself away. Please forgive me, and give me another chance. There are only so many moments, but I want to share them…. I want to cherish each and everyone.

driving in early January

and that sliver of a moon held more thoughts and wishes than any one man could imagine...