word of the day: introspective

Why so introspective today?

What sparks these feelings and ideas?

When will I stop thinking about what might have been?

When will I accept who I am?

Rememberies

My memories fade. Mixed with images too often told to be true, recited as a story from a book. Yet the characters are real and the situations plausible.
I have to dredge up images of people and places I thought I may never forget. To seek down the events in the recesses of my mind. Moments of a few months overshadowed and replaced by the me I've become through them. These memories seen through the scope of a camera, almost as though they belong to someone else. But some memories, both old and new are as real as the times themselves. What does this say?

I no longer wake up feeling as though I am wrapped in your arms. But the feeling is still true in the light of day.

rambling

Why is it when you are still trying to figure things out, everyone else already has an opinion?

Believe me I don't really mind the insight, as much as I try not to be conformed by the molds of society they still have an effect. So it is important to know how things appear to others. Sometimes that knowledge just makes it all the harder to figure out the truth of a thing.

Relationships aren't easy. Seeing as it's been 8 years or more since my last dating relationship, and the only "date" that I have been on since then was just a total wash... well you might understand why I am so confused.

Can't I just have a close guy friend like I used to? A guy that I can tell anything to? or at least pretend to tell everything to?

However it may look "Nebraska" and I are still just getting to know one another. We still spend hours talking about movies we loved as kids, and our jobs, and the weather. We've barely touched the deep stuff. So just because we tend to cuddle and look all happy sappy doesn't mean squat. We're cuddlers and sometimes you find someone that it's just easy to cuddle with, someone you just connect with somehow.

Do I hope that it might could grow into something more?

Sure, but I also know that we are of the same mind that these things take time, and I mean serious time. So I am looking forward to getting to know him better. To discovering more things that we both enjoy. To having some long serious talks.

I appreciate my friends looking out for me. I would do the same for them. I love them and know that they have my best interest at heart. I pray that they understand when it may seem like I am not taking things they say completely to heart. I'm storing those things away and taking them into account. I am still just trying to understand what I myself am feeling. To figure out why I am acting a certain way. If I am changing myself or hiding my self or... well you get the idea.

Thanks for letting me ramble a bit.