some things need to be written down...

i awoke from a dream so real and so confusing... the most amazing thing was that you were hugging me at the end and when i awoke i could still feel the hug...

it was another of those dreams where the scene and characters change to frequently... you know how when you think about it later its hard to put the pieces in order, and things that made so much since in the dream, have no logical bearing in real life .

I had trouble falling back to sleep after this one, trying to decipher an important character and situation who the heck is marlena? where did i go when i "lived" with her (as in in a foreign country for like a week)? and why is she so familiar?

plaid shirt , fleece vest

he dresses like you…

that sweet old man…

and it made me think.

made me smile…

...

And they grow.

And you look back.

And time can be told in moments and inches,

Rather than minutes and years.

thoughts on grief

sometimes i wonder about the depth of my emotion, i know people who hold on to stuff... this is all prompted from hearing someone about a deceased loved one that they think about them everyday... given this was a person that had committed suicide at a young age when the person speaking was even younger, but i don't hold on to that kind of thing. yes i have memories of family members that have passed away, but i often have trouble remembering even the littlest things about them... and i know that this doesn't make me a bad person or anything like that. but it does scare me sometimes and cause me to wonder how deep do i let myself feel? am i capable of something greater than myself? why do i seem to be built so differently from those around me... and how is God planning to use that?

nice

It's nice...

to know we are on the same track...
thinking about the same things...

to hear him say things that I have thought...

and to realize that it's the right track.

I would be so easy to be on the wrong track together, to go with what feels good... and not what we know is right.

So even though it's hard sometimes to resist that kiss, or that thought... it's better this way.

possibilities

It can happen. In the blink of an eye, everything can change. I should know.

Just driving down the road that day. No one was hurt, but they could have been. Or the time I thought the light had changed...it hadn't. My passenger was more effected that day, but she was young-she recovered.

There have been so many times that things could have been redefined, my world turned upside down. It's a blessing I suppose that those things really didn't change anything, but then again what did I learn?

things i wish i said...

everyone says hello

it'd have been better if you were here...or just if we were together

miss you


and much more